child at play
january, 2023

the way i was.  the way i am (again) today. 

sometimes the key to finding your purpose is to look back at all the things that you used to enjoy most as a kid. going through old family photo albums can help.  or if you’re like me, read your old diaries. when i was younger, i used to stay up at night figuring out all the outfit combinations that i could make with the clothing in my closet.  i would write them all down on binder paper, making a catalogue of sorts.

i’d start with top or sweater and then make all the different outfits that i could with each of them.  this was well before “clueless” or any styling apps so i wrote them all down so that i wouldn’t forget.  each piece of binder paper had a title for all the different items of clothing and then a numbered list of all the different outfits i could think of. i put all the pages into a trapper keeper to reference it when i was getting ready for school.  my outfits would always be planned the night before.

when i think about where i am today and how far i’ve come to get back to doing exactly what i loved to do the most, i’m humbled and grateful for all the missteps and dead-ends that finally led me here.  i can’t even imagine that once upon a time, i’d sit behind a computer coding all day, living the life that i thought someone else approved of. 

so what did it take to force me off the ledge?  total surrender.  it took grief, endless tears, and sorrow.  it took the loss of my dear mama, and to witness my father be robbed of the future he’d planned, to make me realize that all we have is now yet within me exists the power of magic. i am stronger and more powerful than i think. 

what would you do if you weren’t afraid?

“just keep on coming home to yourself.  you are the one that you’ve been waiting for.”