everybody’s gotta learn sometime
february 12, 2022

i think nietzsche had it all wrong. the truth is we can never erase our memories but we can be transformed by them.  and if we don’t, we’re destined to repeat our patterns, over and over again.

i’ve made many mistakes as a fearful heart. but now, with each of them, i gain more self-awareness to build from. sometimes this process of self-discovery has made me afraid of new relationships and i’ve walked away and ended things many times out of this fear. i always thought i didn’t want to project my process onto anyone else that i love.  i’ve isolated and made this history even more of my reality.

but with this fresh awareness, i find myself stepping into a new stage now. i can feel myself on the precipice of an emerging me and i’m more ready than i’ve ever been to share her authentically.  i see the patterns, i want to break them, i ask the universe for what i seek, and manifest the person who will help me with this work.  i’ve focused all my attention on self-love and in building myself. i have finally surrendered.

we each have great loves (i’ve had two) to match the frequency of our present experience but some have to be left behind in order to receive the one that compliments who we are today. endings are always new beginnings and what is meant to be will always be.  i work to let go of the past in peace, the relationships that have left me, the ones that i pushed away. i work on my patterns by seeing them (and myself) for what they are, without judgement or blame.  i am learning to live in my present.  i know i’ll never be perfect and waiting for that perfection to arrive will always keep love at a distance. i will always be growing but my desire to change and work on myself is now bigger than all of my fear and limiting beliefs.  i’m humbled and grateful to be where i stand today. i feel more ready than ever before to get back in the game.

this quote has been my very favorite (my heart mantra of sorts) and while it’s always been by me and i’ve shared it many times over, i think i finally just now understand what it means to truly live it.