hair today, gone tomorrow
december, 2021

“all good things are wild and free.” - henry david thoreau

my bang trim the other day got me thinking about hair.  and not just the hair on my head but about my hair down there. 
so where is down there?  it’s basically anywhere south of the brows, because that’s what “down there” means to many women.

since the start of the pandemic, i haven’t waxed more than a couple of times.  i’ve let the hairy beast go and i’ve been trying to figure out why.  this week, a good friend asked me what the hell was up and we ending up laughing at my candid answer.  (of course, i have to share.)  i’m trying out a lot of new things right now to find out what it means to be me.  and if i’m going to do this work on myself and help others to do it, i just have to go for it.  there is no other way out but through.

so here’s my answer.  i want to see just how far i can go to be my caveman best.  what do i bring to the table? the most primordial response to what we are all going through, to know how i could survive in the wild without the many creature comforts that i thought i couldn’t live without.  what if i had to move to a cave?  maybe as a contestant on ‘naked and afraid’?  this thought process was all subconscious, let me tell you.  i had no idea what i was doing at the time but generally i do find that in a “lights on nobody’s home situation”, i always seem to steer my ship even if i don’t know it.  😂️🙏️🔥️

my hair grew and it grew long.  i felt it blowing in the wind.  i wore shorts, i wore bathing suits, i took pictures of myself in full hair regalia and i did not see any hair.  did you see any hair?  i’m asking this question seriously because i kind of can’t believe it.  isn’t hair such a big fucking deal?  it has been for me.  i always thought i was such a hairy beast!

and so here i am and here is what happened.  i went to southern california to visit a bestie and i felt like i had to get rid of it.  and now i’m wondering... why?  why did i feel like i had to remove it when i went to la?  what was conditioned inside of me to feel this way.  i hadn’t felt that need in multiple bathing suit trips in sf or marin, santa cruz, napa... it was all hair, all the way.  hell, i live on a boat.  i’m in the water almost everyday! i was with my friends, i got naked.  so what?  why did i rip it off?

i’ve realized that it all came down to perception of what others would think.  but what others?  there were no others.  and where did these others come from?  i have no clue.  but what i do know now is this.  yes, is it important for me to maintain my legs if it makes me feel good and sexy?  YES!  and of course, if my partner had a strong feeling about it i would definitely acquiesce.  i’m getting real here.  but is it more important for me to do it for someone else’s benefit that’s not even me?  i’ve finally decided HELL NO and it feels extra free!  finally accepting myself for who i am (as i am) has given me a sense of center i’ve never known before.  

so i’ve grown my hair out again and i’m going to see how long it gets. but i wonder if next time... next time i might not just rip it out because it was something that i thought i should do before going on vacation.  maybe now i can just stop and think about how i feel about it myself first before i make that decision.  and whatever i do decide, it’ll be ok with me.