who’s there?
october 2021

i joined a mirror work master class the other day with a powerful, goddess woman whom i admire on instagram.  some of you may ask what mirror work is and i will explore that topic in-depth for a later post on my blog.  i’m still in the throws of understanding and integration and i want to share more after the dust settles.  for the past few years, i’ve been an avid participant in the spiritual space on instagram and while i’m inspired and motivated by it, i would be remiss in not admitting that it’s been a bit of a troubling exploration, too.

what is spirituality and how do we represent our goddess energy to the world?  i find that so many accounts have such powerful, beautiful messaging but some are also rife with sexual overtones that muddy the waters a bit.  how can we express our sexual, feminine nature without exploiting ourselves?  is this even possible in today’s algorithmic content driven world?  yes, sex sells but there also a difference between authentic sexual, feminine celebration and the need for gratification and support.  and does it really matter?  can we express our need for admiration as part of the process of discovering ourselves?  there are a few goddess acounts that i follow that sometimes border on objectification of their own image that are also understandably angered when the response is to sexualize them.  i think it is often clear when influcencers are posting celebratory images and when they might need to garner attention to bolster a shaky self-esteem on a bad day.  we all have them.  can we even celebrate both these needs at the very same time and own it in our failures?

the truth is that we all doubt ourselves, our appearance, our sexual prowess.  to somehow negate the fact that we want people to admire and adore us and not vulnerably express the need for attention seems to be contrary to the message that many spirital women want to present.  instagram spirituality sometimes seems to be often comoditized with sexuality and by this, i am troubled. and maybe this is a symptom of the shadow work that i still have yet to do.  i’m really trying here.

but what i’m hinting at is a more sinister control at work.  the control of artificial intelligence.  i think the way i’d like to present it is that i am flawed and an often insecure (proud) woman that definitely wants to be admired.  and this isn’t such a bad thing.  the need to sexualize myself in order to boost my post ranking can’t be avoided.  it’s unfortunately how this game works.  and also, the need for support is human.  it’s authentic and it’s real.  can we admit that if we tie our spiritual identity to monetization, we have to play the instagram algorithm’s game?  the rules of it are out of our hands and that’s the issue here.

there’s been so much in the news these past few days about instagram and the effects on teenage girls.  hell, aren’t we sometimes still a teenage girl inside?  let’s get real here.  the impact is on MANY women.  i want to say ALL here but i know that there are many who have found their way out of the void.  i’m trying and sometimes i do see the light of day and then the next i’m back drowing in it.  how do we balance the need for sharing and self-expression with the desire for approval and support?  i would consider myself a fairly level-headed and integrated person but i have found myself sucked into the addictive nature of tuning out into the void to erase the tragedy of the world events around me.  i once even considered this a healthier tactic than past years of alcohol or substance escapism and other dangerous behaviors.  i want to find compassion in this brokenness not just for me but for all women (and men).  that is real freedom. (yes, i’m rambling here... i really need an editor. ;)

i wish for goddess energy to just be kind to itself.  perfection in the flawed reality of this AI slavery, an algorithm initially written by men for a platform to rank women based on their appearance.  it’s a sad truth of the world we are living in.  there are no right or wrong answers here and really i don’t know a thing about it.  i guess i’m just speaking out my confused truth as a way to reach some answers to it all.  and that’s all i can do.

i’m more interested in starting a conversation.  that is always my intention here.  what do you think? 

with lots of love always,